"Your going to be a grandma!!? How excited are you?"

Well, lets fast forward time to May of 2018.  A good friend of mine follows my stepdaughter on Instagram and apparently she posted that she was expecting.  I had no clue, but knew she was dating a guy for a few months so I sort of predicted it would happen and I was right.... I was right.  I didn't know what to think.  This was news you share with your family, but to stepdaughter we were all left in the dust.  Anyone she had past memories with that weren't fun all of the time she ditched.  It had been a year since I had heard from her.  This was devastating news only because this was the first pregnancy that I wasn't a part of.

I was so upset I cried a lot.  Then I cried more.  I saw first ultrasounds, and first tummy pics and I felt like part of my heart was removed.....What could I do to make things better?  It seemed like that's all I was doing!  Its like she was the parent and I was the child.  Then I figured out that this was unbelievable.  Just so insane!  I actually could pick out who she would date just by looking at her friends list, and I was right.  This guy looked like a great person.  Comes from a good family, wants to be a pastor.... would she break his heart?  I prayed that she had changed since she lived here.  She had parties while her dad worked to bring in money to support everyone.  He tried, he really did but when someone wants to run.... it doesn't matter.  They will just run!  And that she did.  She ran to BC to where her mother was, fully knowing that her mother and her could only get along for about three months and then her mom would kick her out.  Nice plan right?  So she partied through her grade 11 year.  She also hurt the same girlfriend she always ran to when she was lonely.  She owes this girlfriend so much. Not just money, but she was only  half in the relationship.  Sad!!  Anyways.

I figured out a way to be able to see what was going on, and this almost saved my sanity?  Or drove me almost more crazy.  I saw this first ultrasound and was in love with the grandson I probably wouldn't know for a long time.....

Then came the first picture of my grandson.  This is before we knew he was going to be a boy....I still am mesmerized by the fact that he will be here Christmas Day (or earlier/later).  I wish my stepdaughter realized what she was doing to him.  I pray that she figures this out as she begins her parenthood journey.... To delete people from his life is just not right.  

She treats us like we are the evil jerks when really?  All we tried to do was keep her safe.  And she was shown so much love at our home.... YES I made mistakes and so did her dad, but to be aced out of their lives??  I don't believe I did anything earth shattering other than leave a situation that I could NOT let the little girls nor I be a part of.  There was so much chaos in that house that my "fight or flight" kicked in and BAM I was gone.  She made it all about her, lied to her dad about everything and when packing up my stuff (I said I would come pack it) she broke everything in my boxes.  Payback at its finest.  I wish I could say that's the worst of it.  When I left, I had to leave our dogs with my hubby and her.  Well, she did something abosutely appaling before she fleed the province.  She gave the little girls dog away.  She literally planned it for a day when she knew I was coming to the house, and she took him somewhere.  No communication at all with me!  I should have taken him before but I was in a pet free building.... That broke my heart because that wasn't just an attack on me, that attacked her little sisters.  I told her that I wanted him and that when she left she could leave him with her dad.  Nope, steal the dog and find him a home.  It didn't take much to find him, but I couldn't take him back from the owner that has him!!!

The cycle goes on...

And I probably wont get an apology.  I am meant to be the apologizer!  And I have and do take responsibility for my own actions.  I am not allowed to make mistakes or have mental health issues.  NOPE.  I am supposed to be perfect, and should have just put up with all of the nasty things said and done to me.  Yeah, not who I am at all!  I had to address the crazy behaviour.  And then, as things became more insane I had to leave.  Yes, I left again....3 years after the last time.  And this was when she had an apartment to herself lots while her dad worked to help all of us.  I was done with the blended family dynamics.  I was done living in a two bedroom house with 5-6 (her girlfriend never left)  people, and 4 dogs. CHAOS.  We left for several reasons.... its all in the first post about the beginning.  

There was so much chaos in that house that my "fight or flight" kicked in and BAM I was gone.  She made it all about her, lied to her dad about everything and when packing up my stuff (I said I would come pack it) she broke everything in my boxes.  Payback at its finest.  I wish I could say that's the worst of it.  When I left, I had to leave our dogs with my hubby and her.  Well, she did something abosutely appaling before she fleed the province.  She gave the little girls dog away.  She literally planned it for a day when she knew I was coming to the house, and she took him somewhere.  No communication at all with me!  I should have taken him before but I was in a pet free building.... That broke my heart because that wasn't just an attack on me, that attacked her little sisters.  I told her that I wanted him and that when she left she could leave him with her dad.  Nope, steal the dog and find him a home.  It didn't take much to find him, but I couldn't take him back from the owner that has him!!!  Pure evil.

After we left, I assured my stepdaughter that I would ALWAYS be there for her. It didn't matter where we lived I would still love her the same.  At that point I didn't fully understand what had happened?  She basically was playing her dad and I at the same time and we never figured it out until I was gone.  This kid's entire goal was to have her DAD TO HERSELF.  Well guess what???  Her dream came true.  Her and her dad were alone, to live alone.  Have at it!!  The little girls and I were safe an hour away in a small city.  They found an apartment in the city and she continued her high school year.  I helped her with money when she needed it, made sure her cell phone was topped up and kept in touch.  Then, some truth came my way. She was partying her ass off with drugs and alcohol and loud parties.  Her dad's neighbours were absolutely angry.  She wouldn't clean up her dog's poop so they already had an extreme distaste for her.....and then she partied!  Well, after she had moved the condo board sent her dad a message stating that she needed to leave if the parties continued.  The neighbours had a HATE on for my hubby.... we started to speak to them after stepdaughter left and found out about these drug and alcohol parties.  We were so upset!!! At least I felt validated in my feelings.   Oh what a gong show.  Anyways- she didn't just hurt us big.  She hurt the girlfriend she had off and on for 3 years.... hurt her again. She used this poor girl like a punching bag.

She lied to her dad when she was moving out too, told him she was moving in with her girlfriend when her dad knew she was going to BC.  And she left in anger, she always waits for an issue to come up and that becomes her reason for leaving.... and she tells everyone that she was "kicked out".  Im not even sure she ever was actually kicked out from her mothers.  All her dad did was ask for the key back (the apartment had a key code).  He wanted to have it so when she left it was with him, he could sense she was going.  If my hubby was writing this he would include the way she acted towards him in that apartment... for a child who wanted her daddy all to herself, he seemed to get in the way of her "big life".  She wasn't paying a penny towards this big life, as long as he paid the bills she could hurt who she wanted and keep partying. He would get upset with her behaviour and the mess she would leave behind and she would be mad.  We dispelled all of the big lies that she told both of us to split us up too.  The Jig was up. So, when the jig is up what does she do?  Run like hell.  The good old escape artist.  Always always lies and sneaking. Bye bye!

SO that brings up to the now.  There is tiny little baby is growing inside of my stepdaughter.   The child that I connected with so closely over the years and still have "mom ESP" for.  The child who has hurt me more than anyone, but that I would forgive in a heartbeat if shes working on getting her crap together, which it seems like?  Im almost certain she has bipolar disorder, but hell, maybe she says the same thing about me!! 

Have a great day and hug your kids, step kids, grandkids tight today, you never know what tomorrow will bring....