Back at the beginning...
The Beginning.... "Olden Days"
Hello and thank you for reading my blog. I am hoping this will help the absolute heart ache I have right now, while sharing what I should be going through as a first time grandma. Well, you see, my stepdaughter decided a year and a half ago that she was going to do her fun "run away" trick for the last time, this time running to BC where her bio mom and brother are. That was a fine decision, but it was done in anger and while dropping off all of her responsibility and past with us. Now, I am not saying that I am innocent by any stretch. But for some reason, I am NOT allowed to have my own mental health issues or be anything other than a superhero. Interesting since I am the stepmother, but as I keep writing you will get a sense of why I am the invisible grandma.
And Children make four...
I met the first three members of my family on a beautiful day in June of 2006. I fell deeply in love with a man who had two children.... I had never dated anyone with children but have worked with and loved children. So this should have been somewhat easy right? If you know anything about blending a family then you would probably be shaking your head right now. Its called "The Blender" for a good reason! The two children I became a parent to were beautiful and awesome kids. I loved them pretty quick, who wouldn't? And at ages 2.5 and 6 it was a good age to become a part of the new family dynamic. I was so completely head over heals for their dad! And the first thing the little girl said to me was "Are you going to marry my daddy?" I assured her that we had just started dating and that she didn't need to worry. She wanted us married as soon as possible. Wow.... but she was a pretty funny and sweet 6 year old. Her brother mostly stared at me that first encounter... he wasn't quite sure of me until after a trip to the park to play when we arrived at my house. We were having supper there. He looked in my fridge and found a little treat for him and his sister and from that moment on, he knew I was okay lol
Cinderella is phooey
I was almost positive that this was going to be a Cinderella story. A wonderful love story.... and on our end it was. Little did I know, I was going to meet the kid's mom. Now, she at this point was more interested in dumping the kids off on Friday night so she could go to the bar and dance.... so I already formed an image. She looked at me with hatred in her eyes as I had picked HER son up after he fell, and his tears were staining my old t-shirt. I was a mess! I looked like a new mom and didn't even mind. I bent down to scoop up the little guy and hug him and there she was. Short skirt, big shoes and a tank top exposing her chest. Her hair was puffy and her makeup was alright. I would never have been friends with someone like her, but didn't we have to get along for the kids?? She bawked at me and asked me who I was.... I told her and let her know that her ex and I had been dating for over a month at that point. The kids were stuck to me like glue, almost afraid of a confrontation. And the 6 year old even tried to lure me away, knowing at her age that she didn't want me to be in "trouble". Thankfully their dad came out of the house and greeted his ex. She tried to rip him apart in front of me, so the children and I went out of ear shot and waited for the conversation to end. It was always like that! We never could get along. I have never had someone hate me before. Not the way she did. The jealousy and rage showed everytime I saw her.... and then I found out she was bad mouthing me to the children... I was so upset I cried.. why couldn't we just put on a smile and get these kids through their childhood? The little girl would call us when mommy "wouldn't wake up" so we would get her grandma over (she lived in the same town thankfully). The kids moved in with their mom's boyfriend about 3 hours away and that was devastating. We were terrified that we wouldn't see them. Well, we found out that the boyfriend was abusing them. ABUSING them. And she was afraid of me? We had an order drawn up and removed the children. It took her two weeks to get a place for them to live (she was renting the old house) and they ended up living in the basement of the grandparents. Somewhat a sigh of relief by the court and us. At least someone was sort of supervising. The mom slept most of the time, and the 6 (now 7) year old tried to cook meals and almost burned down grandmas house. How was this a better option than with us, where they had a stay at home parent and their own bedrooms and space? We never understood. But we complied with what we were told to do. Now that I reflect back I wonder if the 6 year old made some of up just to get closer to us? Its her story to tell. I just did what I would do for any kids!
Immaculate Conception
Fast forward 6 months. The children and their dad asked me to marry them on Christmas Day. I said YES! And then a month or so later, I found out that I was pregnant! This was a rainbow baby by far... I have an autoimmune disease that causes infertility. We sat with the OB/GYN 3 months prior and he sadly told us that I would not be able to get pregnant without invitro, and that my body may reject pregnancy. I was so devastated again!!! I wanted to add to our family. Well, three months later we sat in the same OB/GYN's office pregnant. He was an elder at my old church so this was a miracle!!! He was going to keep a close eye on me to make sure everything went well, I was excited and terrified. My husband to be was over the moon!!!
One day, my stepson comes to me with a worried look on his face. I asked him what was up? He said he was worried about something. He asked me "Mom said I am going to be half a brother. What half of me is going to be a brother? My top, or my bottom??" Oh my goodness. So here we go I thought. Bio mom would always try and sabotage everything. And the kids would be confused or angry with us....when we would straighten it out (always with proof) it was fine. I just couldn't understand why this woman had to destroy. These are her children!!! My stepdaughter had asked me if she could call me mom. I instantly said NO. That name is reserved for her bio mom. NOPE. I wasn't going to get burned on that deal!! Well, she went and asked me again on the phone while at her moms. I WAS SHOCKED! And her mom said "yeah sure whatever". I repeated what I said and told her we would find a name for me that sounded like Mom but wasn't mom. So we did, and MomC was created. My initial at the end. Sounds like mommy for the baby to learn, but still not just Mom.
Baby in NICU, life took a turn.
We brought a new baby into the world 4 weeks early by C-section. On this day bio mom decides to call hubby and ask him silly questions about stepson. She knew it was a special day and as always she tried to destroy it. Anyways! Our new baby girl was beautiful, but very sick when she was born..... she was blueish grey and looked sick! So they whisked her off to the NICU. We had her in there for 58 days. We found out on day 9 that our new little angel had a very rare chromosome syndrome and according to the doctors she wasn't going to be able to walk, or talk and we didn't even know how long she would live. whew. And that sweet baby girl smiled at 6 days old (purposefully) and that baby learned how to suck properly on day 45. She was an absolute miracle and we were glad to have her! I had worked with children with special needs for many years in health care.In that 58 days our pug was hit by a truck at my parents farm.. This was especially devastating because this pug was my stepdaughters baby. He helped her through so much! And my dad forgot to tie him up and he was run over. I bawled so much, then we had to tell stepdaughter. And we found a little room by NICU to tell her,... so she never had to go back into that room again. It was awful and I am sure that started her on an adventure of pain and hurt. And not only pain for her, but pain towards us. Broken Hearted.
Growing up...
When we lived in the first small town, we loved it. The community was where I had grown up, so I knew almost everyone in town and they saw the way the bio mom treated us. They saw her at Christmas Concerts and other family days and how uncomfortable it was. They couldn't believe how badly I was being judged and treated.....it was awful and I had wanted to stay home!! We had a smaller home when we moved there but we were busting at the seams! We found another home thankfully and moved. It was a nice bigger home for our growing family.....
I found out I was pregnant with our youngest daughter next. We had just decided to try again and there she was! My pregnancy was very awesome, pretty low key and I was HUGE by the end. Full of fluid. But I was excited to add another baby to our lives. She also spent time in the hospital, about 32 days and in that time I lost my best friend (she was 26) to a huge stroke and she dropped in her back yard. It was awful. Stepdaughter loved to come to the hospital with me to visit her baby sister, we had all tests done and she has NO chromosome abnormalities! She's a sweet, caring and wonderful girl at the age she is now. She's two years older than her stepsister was when I met them.
Before the birth of our youngest daughter, when stepdaughter was 10 years old she broke down BIG time and told us she wanted to come and live with us. This was my dream since they had been removed but I did NOT share it with her. I left my opinions, and thoughts out of it at that point. She called her mother on a night in June and told her that she didn't want to live with her. And this smart kiddo had a full list of what she couldn't handle at mom's anymore. We sat down before the phone call and made a list. I was disgusted and appauled at the bio moms behaviour!! During the week she would invite men out to meet her at the hottub in the backyard, which was right under stepdaughter's window!! So they would be moaning and all that for her daughter to hear!! Stepdaughter went on her mom's computer to work on something and snooped through pictures and found many naked pics of her mom and different men in each one... I knew this was her lifestyle but bit my tongue. Stepson was still young but all of the sudden he was going home without his sister?? He was so upset. I was upset at everything and the upheaval of it. It was more stress!!
Life moves on no matter what!
Life went on. We accomidated all of stepdaughters needs while sometimes inconvieniencing ourselves. We moved to towns that had the schools she wanted to go to. Everyone she dated was welcome to come over, then the sneaking and lies began. At age 12/`13 she tried to date a fellow who was known as a sexual preditor to the police and all of the parents knew. But when we forbid her to date him, she retaliated in the best way she knew how. Moved back to her mothers. Her mom was never aware of why she moved back. But stepdaughter and her mother badmouthed us, swore about us and now stepdaughter knew A LOT more about our lives to share with her mom (I didn't care!!). And of course, her mom didn't know this guy was a preditor and she allowed her to date him etc. My feeling is that there was a rape. But that's not for sure. The relationship ended abruptly... my 'mom sense' tells me it ended very badly. And things continued from there.
Next phase was the psych ward. We hadn't talked to her much since she moved to mothers house, but now she was in the psych ward due to many issues involving relationships (with guys and girls). She was heartbrokem over a break up. In my eyes, she was broken and needed love and help. She was in for a couple of weeks but STILL hadn't apologized to me or spoke to me. Her mother left her at the psych ward and barely came back. This is when dad stepped in and saw her every single day and tried to help her get better. The exact same day she went into the psych ward, I made a decision.
Fly away....
I was incredibly heart broken with stepdaughter moving to her moms. I was heartbroken that I wasn't good enough.... I took everything so personal because her and I were so so close. She literally anialated me. I fey??lt that everything was about the stepchildren and that our little girls were getting about half of me. And I was terrified. I didn't know how to get away from all of it.... My head was spinning and I wanted to GO. I spoke with my parents about coming there, and my OWN MOTHER stated she was afraid of my hubby?? This man had NO history of abuse, no outward anger toward her or anything. Now before we get further about my family, my mother is a narcist through and through. She loved to play with my head, gas light, act like a victim etc. I have literally put a wall up three times and aced her out of our lives. And when we finally talk? We have to take on ALL of the responsibility because she is the boss. Uhm what?? Anyways. She wouldn't let me bring my two little girls and myself home to the farm. Okay then, shelter is where we go. I wouldn't inconvienience anyones lives with my chaos. So the girls and I ended up at a women/family shelter. And that place was phenomenal. It gave me a sense of well being again. It gave me thinking time, counselling and the time to get it together so that we had a home. So I applied for housing, and we got a nice old house in the city. In the city!!! Yikes!!
And the cycles continued.
2012-13
Anyways, the plan was that the girls and I would move in first, and see how it went. The girls were enrolled in school, and our daughter with exceptional needs met requirements for a great program. This was amazing! Hubby and I were working through our issues, and we keep up with our relationship counselling in hopes we would have my hubby back. I was completely ready to get my blender family back. As it ended up, my husband and stepdaughter moved in within the first month, and that was great! My stepdaughter seemed to be healing BUT we never EVER talked about the past. Correction! I would talk about the past and she would give me short answers.... So next it was her talking to a girl who was 18. She was 14.... Illegal much. And this girl would hang around a lot and flirt and it was all just crazy. I was still numb and healing and so was her dad. We were trying to do our best for everyone. We enrolled stepdaughter in the school of her choice and she drank alcohol to calm her nerves on the first day. Okay what?? She was so terrified of being "judged" and looked at when she went to school. And she was unbelievably beautiful. She was full of sunshine on the outside but still imploding on the inside. We had her go for counselling etc but it didn't sseem to help. She did see a professional from the Psych ward also, which I almost felt I was more anxious than her!! We got stepdaughter a dog.... a sweet pug who was 8-10 years old and a rescue. Best dog ever as a therapy pet for stepdaughter. Once again, the younger two "suck the hind tit" as usual. And stepson? We had a great time when he came on the weekends but I could feel his personality change, found that he was bored etc. And now he had a cell phone (at like 8) so he could text mom whenever he wanted which made things worse. I actually felt like we were going to lose him coming over. Again, heart breaking. It was ironic that when stepdaughter talked to her mom and got back in her mom's life it was always either around Christmas or right before summer. Then BOOM. Off she went. And her grandparents had a LOT of money so stepdaughter knows that she will be spoiled rotten moreso if she was there. We didn't have a lot of money, but our love was always there unconditionally. We kept a room over our heads, hubby worked his butt off!! And by the time he paid support to the bio mom (and she was being paid for 2 kids when only one lived with her?) we didn't have a ton of money. So the big extravagant gifts came from the other family but we did get them cell phones and TV;s and DVD players over the years..... always forgotten. ALWAYS. I suppose when you focus on the negative for many years prompted by dear old mom, you won't appreciate the positive because its turned around into a negative! Example: "Mom! I got a brand new Samsung TV for my room!! its a 42 inch!" and mom says "Why in the hell would they get you a 42 inch for that small room? That's so stupid. They are just trying to win your love like always!" And boom. Now its us trying to win love, that we already had? Ugh.
2014
(SD leaves again, to her mom's (kicked out) then moves in with a friend and his mom. No food in the house so of course we helped. She accumulates another dog while at her moms.... and has NO job or any way topay for them and states they are "her" dogs. The older dog gets sick and we pay $1800 for her care. Then the little dog gets sick and we pay another $800 for her. Appreciated sort of? But became a resentment. We almost starved and her grandparents are rich and wouldn't help.
Hello and thank you for reading my blog. I am hoping this will help the absolute heart ache I have right now, while sharing what I should be going through as a first time grandma. Well, you see, my stepdaughter decided a year and a half ago that she was going to do her fun "run away" trick for the last time, this time running to BC where her bio mom and brother are. That was a fine decision, but it was done in anger and while dropping off all of her responsibility and past with us. Now, I am not saying that I am innocent by any stretch. But for some reason, I am NOT allowed to have my own mental health issues or be anything other than a superhero. Interesting since I am the stepmother, but as I keep writing you will get a sense of why I am the invisible grandma.
And Children make four...
I met the first three members of my family on a beautiful day in June of 2006. I fell deeply in love with a man who had two children.... I had never dated anyone with children but have worked with and loved children. So this should have been somewhat easy right? If you know anything about blending a family then you would probably be shaking your head right now. Its called "The Blender" for a good reason! The two children I became a parent to were beautiful and awesome kids. I loved them pretty quick, who wouldn't? And at ages 2.5 and 6 it was a good age to become a part of the new family dynamic. I was so completely head over heals for their dad! And the first thing the little girl said to me was "Are you going to marry my daddy?" I assured her that we had just started dating and that she didn't need to worry. She wanted us married as soon as possible. Wow.... but she was a pretty funny and sweet 6 year old. Her brother mostly stared at me that first encounter... he wasn't quite sure of me until after a trip to the park to play when we arrived at my house. We were having supper there. He looked in my fridge and found a little treat for him and his sister and from that moment on, he knew I was okay lol
Cinderella is phooey
I was almost positive that this was going to be a Cinderella story. A wonderful love story.... and on our end it was. Little did I know, I was going to meet the kid's mom. Now, she at this point was more interested in dumping the kids off on Friday night so she could go to the bar and dance.... so I already formed an image. She looked at me with hatred in her eyes as I had picked HER son up after he fell, and his tears were staining my old t-shirt. I was a mess! I looked like a new mom and didn't even mind. I bent down to scoop up the little guy and hug him and there she was. Short skirt, big shoes and a tank top exposing her chest. Her hair was puffy and her makeup was alright. I would never have been friends with someone like her, but didn't we have to get along for the kids?? She bawked at me and asked me who I was.... I told her and let her know that her ex and I had been dating for over a month at that point. The kids were stuck to me like glue, almost afraid of a confrontation. And the 6 year old even tried to lure me away, knowing at her age that she didn't want me to be in "trouble". Thankfully their dad came out of the house and greeted his ex. She tried to rip him apart in front of me, so the children and I went out of ear shot and waited for the conversation to end. It was always like that! We never could get along. I have never had someone hate me before. Not the way she did. The jealousy and rage showed everytime I saw her.... and then I found out she was bad mouthing me to the children... I was so upset I cried.. why couldn't we just put on a smile and get these kids through their childhood? The little girl would call us when mommy "wouldn't wake up" so we would get her grandma over (she lived in the same town thankfully). The kids moved in with their mom's boyfriend about 3 hours away and that was devastating. We were terrified that we wouldn't see them. Well, we found out that the boyfriend was abusing them. ABUSING them. And she was afraid of me? We had an order drawn up and removed the children. It took her two weeks to get a place for them to live (she was renting the old house) and they ended up living in the basement of the grandparents. Somewhat a sigh of relief by the court and us. At least someone was sort of supervising. The mom slept most of the time, and the 6 (now 7) year old tried to cook meals and almost burned down grandmas house. How was this a better option than with us, where they had a stay at home parent and their own bedrooms and space? We never understood. But we complied with what we were told to do. Now that I reflect back I wonder if the 6 year old made some of up just to get closer to us? Its her story to tell. I just did what I would do for any kids!
Immaculate Conception
Fast forward 6 months. The children and their dad asked me to marry them on Christmas Day. I said YES! And then a month or so later, I found out that I was pregnant! This was a rainbow baby by far... I have an autoimmune disease that causes infertility. We sat with the OB/GYN 3 months prior and he sadly told us that I would not be able to get pregnant without invitro, and that my body may reject pregnancy. I was so devastated again!!! I wanted to add to our family. Well, three months later we sat in the same OB/GYN's office pregnant. He was an elder at my old church so this was a miracle!!! He was going to keep a close eye on me to make sure everything went well, I was excited and terrified. My husband to be was over the moon!!!
One day, my stepson comes to me with a worried look on his face. I asked him what was up? He said he was worried about something. He asked me "Mom said I am going to be half a brother. What half of me is going to be a brother? My top, or my bottom??" Oh my goodness. So here we go I thought. Bio mom would always try and sabotage everything. And the kids would be confused or angry with us....when we would straighten it out (always with proof) it was fine. I just couldn't understand why this woman had to destroy. These are her children!!! My stepdaughter had asked me if she could call me mom. I instantly said NO. That name is reserved for her bio mom. NOPE. I wasn't going to get burned on that deal!! Well, she went and asked me again on the phone while at her moms. I WAS SHOCKED! And her mom said "yeah sure whatever". I repeated what I said and told her we would find a name for me that sounded like Mom but wasn't mom. So we did, and MomC was created. My initial at the end. Sounds like mommy for the baby to learn, but still not just Mom.
Baby in NICU, life took a turn.
We brought a new baby into the world 4 weeks early by C-section. On this day bio mom decides to call hubby and ask him silly questions about stepson. She knew it was a special day and as always she tried to destroy it. Anyways! Our new baby girl was beautiful, but very sick when she was born..... she was blueish grey and looked sick! So they whisked her off to the NICU. We had her in there for 58 days. We found out on day 9 that our new little angel had a very rare chromosome syndrome and according to the doctors she wasn't going to be able to walk, or talk and we didn't even know how long she would live. whew. And that sweet baby girl smiled at 6 days old (purposefully) and that baby learned how to suck properly on day 45. She was an absolute miracle and we were glad to have her! I had worked with children with special needs for many years in health care.In that 58 days our pug was hit by a truck at my parents farm.. This was especially devastating because this pug was my stepdaughters baby. He helped her through so much! And my dad forgot to tie him up and he was run over. I bawled so much, then we had to tell stepdaughter. And we found a little room by NICU to tell her,... so she never had to go back into that room again. It was awful and I am sure that started her on an adventure of pain and hurt. And not only pain for her, but pain towards us. Broken Hearted.
Growing up...
When we lived in the first small town, we loved it. The community was where I had grown up, so I knew almost everyone in town and they saw the way the bio mom treated us. They saw her at Christmas Concerts and other family days and how uncomfortable it was. They couldn't believe how badly I was being judged and treated.....it was awful and I had wanted to stay home!! We had a smaller home when we moved there but we were busting at the seams! We found another home thankfully and moved. It was a nice bigger home for our growing family.....
I found out I was pregnant with our youngest daughter next. We had just decided to try again and there she was! My pregnancy was very awesome, pretty low key and I was HUGE by the end. Full of fluid. But I was excited to add another baby to our lives. She also spent time in the hospital, about 32 days and in that time I lost my best friend (she was 26) to a huge stroke and she dropped in her back yard. It was awful. Stepdaughter loved to come to the hospital with me to visit her baby sister, we had all tests done and she has NO chromosome abnormalities! She's a sweet, caring and wonderful girl at the age she is now. She's two years older than her stepsister was when I met them.
Before the birth of our youngest daughter, when stepdaughter was 10 years old she broke down BIG time and told us she wanted to come and live with us. This was my dream since they had been removed but I did NOT share it with her. I left my opinions, and thoughts out of it at that point. She called her mother on a night in June and told her that she didn't want to live with her. And this smart kiddo had a full list of what she couldn't handle at mom's anymore. We sat down before the phone call and made a list. I was disgusted and appauled at the bio moms behaviour!! During the week she would invite men out to meet her at the hottub in the backyard, which was right under stepdaughter's window!! So they would be moaning and all that for her daughter to hear!! Stepdaughter went on her mom's computer to work on something and snooped through pictures and found many naked pics of her mom and different men in each one... I knew this was her lifestyle but bit my tongue. Stepson was still young but all of the sudden he was going home without his sister?? He was so upset. I was upset at everything and the upheaval of it. It was more stress!!
Life moves on no matter what!
Life went on. We accomidated all of stepdaughters needs while sometimes inconvieniencing ourselves. We moved to towns that had the schools she wanted to go to. Everyone she dated was welcome to come over, then the sneaking and lies began. At age 12/`13 she tried to date a fellow who was known as a sexual preditor to the police and all of the parents knew. But when we forbid her to date him, she retaliated in the best way she knew how. Moved back to her mothers. Her mom was never aware of why she moved back. But stepdaughter and her mother badmouthed us, swore about us and now stepdaughter knew A LOT more about our lives to share with her mom (I didn't care!!). And of course, her mom didn't know this guy was a preditor and she allowed her to date him etc. My feeling is that there was a rape. But that's not for sure. The relationship ended abruptly... my 'mom sense' tells me it ended very badly. And things continued from there.
Next phase was the psych ward. We hadn't talked to her much since she moved to mothers house, but now she was in the psych ward due to many issues involving relationships (with guys and girls). She was heartbrokem over a break up. In my eyes, she was broken and needed love and help. She was in for a couple of weeks but STILL hadn't apologized to me or spoke to me. Her mother left her at the psych ward and barely came back. This is when dad stepped in and saw her every single day and tried to help her get better. The exact same day she went into the psych ward, I made a decision.
Fly away....
I was incredibly heart broken with stepdaughter moving to her moms. I was heartbroken that I wasn't good enough.... I took everything so personal because her and I were so so close. She literally anialated me. I fey??lt that everything was about the stepchildren and that our little girls were getting about half of me. And I was terrified. I didn't know how to get away from all of it.... My head was spinning and I wanted to GO. I spoke with my parents about coming there, and my OWN MOTHER stated she was afraid of my hubby?? This man had NO history of abuse, no outward anger toward her or anything. Now before we get further about my family, my mother is a narcist through and through. She loved to play with my head, gas light, act like a victim etc. I have literally put a wall up three times and aced her out of our lives. And when we finally talk? We have to take on ALL of the responsibility because she is the boss. Uhm what?? Anyways. She wouldn't let me bring my two little girls and myself home to the farm. Okay then, shelter is where we go. I wouldn't inconvienience anyones lives with my chaos. So the girls and I ended up at a women/family shelter. And that place was phenomenal. It gave me a sense of well being again. It gave me thinking time, counselling and the time to get it together so that we had a home. So I applied for housing, and we got a nice old house in the city. In the city!!! Yikes!!
And the cycles continued.
2012-13
Anyways, the plan was that the girls and I would move in first, and see how it went. The girls were enrolled in school, and our daughter with exceptional needs met requirements for a great program. This was amazing! Hubby and I were working through our issues, and we keep up with our relationship counselling in hopes we would have my hubby back. I was completely ready to get my blender family back. As it ended up, my husband and stepdaughter moved in within the first month, and that was great! My stepdaughter seemed to be healing BUT we never EVER talked about the past. Correction! I would talk about the past and she would give me short answers.... So next it was her talking to a girl who was 18. She was 14.... Illegal much. And this girl would hang around a lot and flirt and it was all just crazy. I was still numb and healing and so was her dad. We were trying to do our best for everyone. We enrolled stepdaughter in the school of her choice and she drank alcohol to calm her nerves on the first day. Okay what?? She was so terrified of being "judged" and looked at when she went to school. And she was unbelievably beautiful. She was full of sunshine on the outside but still imploding on the inside. We had her go for counselling etc but it didn't sseem to help. She did see a professional from the Psych ward also, which I almost felt I was more anxious than her!! We got stepdaughter a dog.... a sweet pug who was 8-10 years old and a rescue. Best dog ever as a therapy pet for stepdaughter. Once again, the younger two "suck the hind tit" as usual. And stepson? We had a great time when he came on the weekends but I could feel his personality change, found that he was bored etc. And now he had a cell phone (at like 8) so he could text mom whenever he wanted which made things worse. I actually felt like we were going to lose him coming over. Again, heart breaking. It was ironic that when stepdaughter talked to her mom and got back in her mom's life it was always either around Christmas or right before summer. Then BOOM. Off she went. And her grandparents had a LOT of money so stepdaughter knows that she will be spoiled rotten moreso if she was there. We didn't have a lot of money, but our love was always there unconditionally. We kept a room over our heads, hubby worked his butt off!! And by the time he paid support to the bio mom (and she was being paid for 2 kids when only one lived with her?) we didn't have a ton of money. So the big extravagant gifts came from the other family but we did get them cell phones and TV;s and DVD players over the years..... always forgotten. ALWAYS. I suppose when you focus on the negative for many years prompted by dear old mom, you won't appreciate the positive because its turned around into a negative! Example: "Mom! I got a brand new Samsung TV for my room!! its a 42 inch!" and mom says "Why in the hell would they get you a 42 inch for that small room? That's so stupid. They are just trying to win your love like always!" And boom. Now its us trying to win love, that we already had? Ugh.
2014
(SD leaves again, to her mom's (kicked out) then moves in with a friend and his mom. No food in the house so of course we helped. She accumulates another dog while at her moms.... and has NO job or any way topay for them and states they are "her" dogs. The older dog gets sick and we pay $1800 for her care. Then the little dog gets sick and we pay another $800 for her. Appreciated sort of? But became a resentment. We almost starved and her grandparents are rich and wouldn't help.
Stepdaughters dad promised he would always have the door open for her and told her we wouldn't ever boot her out. She took that to the extreme. She did a 3am move in the last time (before I fled for a nearby city with the little girl for the last time) I was seeing changes in the little girl's behaviour and I did NOT like it. It was time to leave. And with every breath I had in me I left....my hubby was devastated. And I had been convinced by my mother and others that leaving HIM was best. As I have evolved and grown on this journey, I have learned that I was preserving my children's childhood. What kind of life was that? Young daughter was sleeping in the bed with ME because her big sister came home and needed a bed. So she sacrificed her room and space for her sister. She was 5. And in the same room was older daughter, who has special needs. All that meant to Stepdaughter is that she would get away with whatever she wanted knowing her 8 year old sister couldn't tell us. Again, manipulative and ignorant behaviour. So who owes who an apology? I have tried reaching out for several months only to be met with extreme anger and rage. But again, leaving your past behind causes issuses. This is a notice to all of you reading this..... DON'T TRY TO BURY YOUR PAST. It will come back to nip you one day. I now have an 11 year old and 8 year old who miss their sister and brother. Speaking of stepson... he is now 16 and we haven't seen him since he was 12. He had spent his own Christmas money on a beautiful mom ring for me that Christmas.. it made me cry. And by April? He was back at mom's.... wanted nothing to do with us after all the negativity. In that same month we had Stepdaughter put into psych again, this time she told us she needed to be in there as she felt unsafe and might harm herself. We gladly accepted and took her in. We waited 10 hours in emergency to get her a bed and finally left late at night when she was settled in. We had a Psychiatrist tell us (in front of her) that teens often run away after a psych stay. Well thank you DOCTOR. You just gave her a hell of an idea. She had a girlfriend with a truck and could disappear. Sigh. I guess its one of those things that when you struggle with mental health issues you aren't focused properly and everyone is the enemy. She literally left psych (faked happy) and packed up and ran away. A week later she tried to break into our home!! She wanted the dog, and I told her that she could do this properly and we would have the dog ready for her. You don't just show up and try and get in!!
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